Thoughts from Cascabel

This is just my February newsletter copied and pasted onto the blog:

Greetings family and friends!

I have now been in Tucson for six months and have started to realize how short a year can be in reality. We have had enough time to get firmly established in our jobs and in house life, but it now seems as though we are beginning the process of leaving. One of the big questions each of my housemates are asking is “Where do I want to be and where am I called to be next year?” I have applied to three grad schools: U of Maryland, U of Florida, and U of Georgia. Each of these schools has great, cross-discipline programs in conservation ecology and sustainable development, which is a topic that I have been exposed to numerous times this year. Though the year seems to be flying by, my hope and prayer is that I am able to view this not as a year outside of my life, but as a year shaping the direction of the rest of my life. It is now hard to imagine the rest of my life without a central focus on community and the commitments and blessings that come along with sharing one's life more fully with others.

On a couple separate occasions this year we have been able to visit a place called Cascabel. This place is beyond any of our definitions of “rural,” taking thirty minutes on dirt roads to get there, and has been a great inspiration to me. The people in Cascabel display true community with one another, which is built around growing most of their own food and trying to live in sustainable ways at a different pace of life. One couple we met there, David and Pearl, lives at an amazingly high standard of living, yet they are completely off the grid. They lift all their own water, which comes from a well pump that is powered by a wind mill, use a wood-burning stove for heating water and keeping their tiny house warm, have a solar panel that powers their one light bulb and laptop computer, and they have a composting toilet. This last item made me pause at first, but after a thorough tour of the system, it is a perfectly sanitary way to reduce water use and to return nutrients to the land. Feel free to e-mail me if you're grossed out or want to know more about it (srgill@wm.edu).

But the thing I appreciate most about Cascabel is the quiet and stillness that you can't help but experience throughout the day. I had the opportunity to take a three day sojourn into the desert wilderness of Cascabel and fully experience this stillness. I hiked up the wash with two gallons of water, a tiny tent, a Bible, a journal, and a small bag of food. This was a time to have absolutely no distractions for an extended period of time. On my first full day I picked out a hilltop way off in the distance and decided to find my way there and back. Don't worry, I had food and water and had several visible land marks (not to mention the sun) for cardinal directions. I also always knew how to get to a stream with palpable water if my jug ran low. Who thought one could get so sun burned in February!? During my journey I ran into a herd of javelina (wild desert pigs), a herd of white-tailed deer, rabbits, chipmunks, numerous birds, colorful insects, and plenty of cacti and wildflowers. It's amazing how abundant life can be in an arid desert. This is an area the size of one and a half Rhode Islands that is protected from development, so the wildlife is largely unaffected by humans.

The second and third days were spent doing absolutely nothing with the intention of leaving room for God's voice to be heard and for personal reflection. I climbed up on top of a hill and looked out on the beauty of the desert for hours. I read a couple chapters out of my Bible and sat, trying to clear my mind of any distractions or stray thoughts. One of the chapters I read was out of First Kings, where Elijah flees for his life across the desert and takes shelter in a cave. In this passage God tells Elijah to prepare for the passing of God in front of the cave. There is a violent wind, an earthquake and a raging fire, but God is not in any of them. Then there is sheer silence and God's still, small voice can be heard. Taking my cues from this passage I sat there silently for a good portion of the day, trying to listen to the small voice that would bring me some ridiculously mind-blowing revelation. Fully expecting to hear God's voice telling me my life's direction or offering a prophetic vision to change the world, I became frustrated in the hours of the late afternoon. My bubble burst, I descended to the sands of the wash below and sat on my sleeping pad with my journal. The landscape was not nearly as impressive or awe-inspiring as the one from which I had just come down, yet this is where I felt most connected with God. My humble surroundings allowed me to focus inward to listen. It was here that I heard my revelation from God; that no mind-blowing revelation was needed. I also heard that maybe my motivation for wanting to have a prophetic vision was so that I could share it with my housemates and impress them with how deep-thinking and spiritual I am.

Maybe when God talks to us it won't always be in life changing, bedrock shaking ways. Maybe what is said is the most simple and ordinary thing in the world, but that makes it no less from God. This is both a comforting and frustrating thing to realize. Everyone battles with pride in one way or another, and this is just one of my latest ways to confront it; realizing and actually believing that self worth does not come from anything except God's love alone. It doesn't come from insights, deep conversation, accomplishments, or good looks, but from God's love alone. My prayer is that I may remain open to the small voice that calls me to do things that may be unimpressive or mundane (or maybe huge and very impressive!), but that need to be done with great love. I'm looking forward to the second half of the year and to sharing my experiences with you all during this time.

Only by the love of God,

Steve Gillard

Please keep the young adult volunteers and the communities they serve around the world in your prayers. If you're interested in serving as a young adult volunteer or know some one who is please visit: www.pcusa.org/yav If you'd like to support young adult volunteers with financial gift please make tax deductible checks out to:
St Mark's Presbyterian Church
("YAV support" in memo line)
3809 E. 3rd Street
Tucson AZ, 85716